Last Sunday night I worked until 8:30, and because that's early for me, I was determined to get over to the mall and see Zombieland before the school week started up again.
To no avail.
No one would go with me. And because I'd really like to see the movie with a friend or two and preferably a decent-sized crowd (just a personal thing), I passed. And settled instead for another movie I had been waiting a long time to see and could get no one to join me to:
I was excited for this film because it was written by the Academy Award Winning Diablo Cody of Juno fame, whom as you know is from this area (Chicago/Kankakee). And also of course for the most obvious reason...
I was smart to go in with low expectations. The film begins as any other teen slasher flick nowadays, taking its cues straight from Halloween and A Nightmare On Elm Street by setting up a slow and creepy tone. Then it takes an unexpected turn by showing our protagonist, Amanda Seyried (Mama Mia, Mean Girls), sitting in a mental institution. The opening line says "Hell is a teenage girl." Really, who knew? You don't have to be a teenager to figure out that the entire story is a metaphor for the woes of teen angst.
Let's take a second to sum it up:
Girl enters high school with best friend. Best friend gets noticed by boys. Best friend sleeps with boys. Girl gets jealous; Best friend gets full of herself (and others). They hate each other forever. The end.
So the girl and the best friend (Amanda and Megan, or should I say, Needy and Jennifer) start out by going to a rock concert. Jennifer likes the lead singer, played by a very charming, yet unconvincing Adam Brody (another reason I wanted to see this movie--Seth Cohen rules!). After the bar they play at mysteriously burns down (which is never really explained), the band convinces Jenny to join them in their van. And I'm sure you know where this is going...WRONG! Here comes the plot twist, are you ready for it?!
In order to become famous, the band wants to sell their souls to Satan, by offering him a virgin sacrifice.
Seriously.
Adam Brody. With a knife. In the woods.
Anyways, Needy (wtf is this, an allegory? she wishes) tells the band Jennifer's a virgin and they actually believe her! Yeah right, she's not even a back door virgin. So when they kill her, because she is so far from a virgin its incomprehensible, her body is possessed by a demon. And of course they figure this out later by checking out ancient texts on demonology that their high school library just happened to have laying around.
The whole rest of the movie has to do with Jennifer going around seducing boys so that she can eat them, literally, and regenerate her human host. I have to admit, this makes for some of the best scenes in the film. I personally think Amanda Seyfried is the lamest of lame, and Megan Fox's performance just exacerbates that claim. Fox is so electrifying in this role, you might actually have to start considering her a real actress, kind of like say...Angelina Jolie?
Seriously though, Megan Fox is awesome as a life-sucking half-dead slut. When Jennifer gets done eating a boy, she's full of life and color and vitality (so the exact same as in Transformers). But after she's gone a while without feeding, her host's body begins to deteriorate, and thats the best part. In those periods, Fox is pale and weak, with greasy jet black hair and dark circles around her eyes. Its a surprisingly sexy look for her. I mean, we all know she has those eyes that can burn a hole right through your skull, but when she turns goth, she looks pure evil. I'm not out to commit heresy or anything, but she makes for the best villain I've seen since Ledger's Joker. And I wouldn't be surprised if she took her inspiration from his role. I mean, she looks down-right demented. And I love it. The first time you see her after the incident, she's covered in blood with a grin that comes from depths of hell, and then pukes this this black oil all over the kitchen floor, laughing hysterically all along. Its f***in' creepy.
Another aspect of the movie that's slightly noteworthy is the music. I was surprised not only by the sheer amount of music or the diversity of it, but the actual song selections themselves. Classic 80's songs and the newest batch of emo crap might be expected in films of this caliber, but there were also some standout, heady choices made like "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You" by Black Kids, "Little Lover's So Polite" by Silversun Pickups and and a cover of Hot Chip's "Ready for the Floor" by Lissy Trullie that plays during the end credits.
Other noteworthy nuggets from the film include (because I really don't expect you or anyone to see this, so I am not worried at all about spoilers):
- J.K. Simmons (also of Juno fame) in a rather comedic role as a teacher, with hair
- Adam Brody and his band of merry goth rockers singing "867-5309" before they cut into Jenny
- A completely random, totally unnecessary and incredibly hot makeout session between the two leading ladies
Now I know this all sounds tempting, but just fair warning: before you begin to read too far into this review and actually start wanting to go see this film--don't. Its not worth it. I may have mentioned the things I like about the movie, but you have to understand, I like a lot of things that are really bad. Its kind of my thing. And just to prove my point, you can read what other people had to say about it on IMDB.
Which reminds me...
Here are the actual box office numbers for this past weekend (close, but no where near):
- Zombieland $24.7m
- Cloudy w/ Meatballs $15.8m
- Toy Story double feature $12.4m
- Surrogates $7.2m
- The Invention of Lying $7m
- Whip It $4.65m
- Fame $4.62m
- Capitalism: A Love Story $4.4m
- The Informant! $3.6m
- Love Happens $2.7m
*15. Jennifer's Body $1.2m
Samsonite! I was way off!
Pete: again, interesting stuff here, but difficult to scan. Consider headings. Consider offering your audience a predictable place for stuff. When I got to your movie money list, I felt comforted, because it was what I was searching for.
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